Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Alien Attack Has Begun... Maybe

I took one look at this picture and immediately had one thought: Whaaat?!?!?!

But then I realized that it was obvious what it was... a pink laser beam of death from outer space.

This is just like Independence Day, except there's no humongous space ships covering the planet in darkness... and this laser isn't blowing up some landmark building... and no Will Smith. But it's basically the same exact thing.

The image is from Google's new "Street View" feature on their maps. I am absolutely dumbfounded as to how they capture all these images. You can rotate 360 degrees. It's pretty amazing.

Look, I don't know what's scarier here... the fact that we, Earth, as a planet, have been fired upon... or that our attackers have a weapon that is pink.

What do the pink laser people want? Why are they blasting this harmless field in New York? Was it because they thought we wouldn't be looking there? Was this a test fire? Do we still have time to stop them before the pink lasers rain down on us all?!

Did Google just literally save all our butts from complete and total annihilation... again?!?!

Why pink?

Either way, I'm covering my bases... I'm heading for water with a tinfoil hat on, an apple laptop with a computer virus on it, and a Noisy Cricket.

See you all after the invasion... if you make it.

And if the internet still works.

The Force Has Come!!

The Force is here. Can you feel it?

Yes... that Force. George Lucas' Force. Star Wars Force. It's real, just as I dreamed it was when I was a little boy.

I just didn't think it would be squirrels who first harnessed the power of the Force.

Nor did I think they would be so proficient with a light saber.

I can totally hear that Duel of the Fates theme from the prequels pounding out over the back of this scene.

See, you may think I'm joking about the Force having come to the real world and squirrels having mastered the art of light saber fighting... because I am.

But it's not so far fetched. I mean... seriously people. Think about the movies. They were always very racially diverse in handing out Jedi abilities. There are all sorts of strange animal creatures that are Jedi in the prequels. Hairy ones... slimy ones... Yoda ones.

If the Force were real...if Jedi were real... who's to say that only humans would make up their ranks? Why not a squirrel Jedi? Or a grizzly bear Jedi? Or a tarantula Jedi?

Which gives me an idea: someone (and by "someone," I mean a person with Photoshop skills and with much less laziness than me) needs to take this photo concept and run with it...find nature pictures of all kinds and digitally plug in light sabers. Boom! Instant greatness. I can see it now, two white mountain goats in mid-air, with light sabers in their horns. I want to see all kinds of wild beasts locked in light saber battle.

Regardless of what your beliefs are on the Force and Jedi abilities for animals... I think you'll agree that the photo is maybe the second greatest thing of all time.

Go here to see the full photo on Flickr, including all the comments.