Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Chinese Control The Weather!! (X-Men, The Avengers)

Don't look now, folks, but China has just leapfrogged over Iran in the race for world domination by inventing a way to control the weather--so they say.

Scientists in China claim to have caused it to snow in the village of Nagqu. This is part of what appears to be several years worth of efforts to control the weather.

They actually have 37,000 employees working on this rain-seeding project, which sounds like a lot at first, until you remember that there are, like, 99 Billion people in China. So by their standards, 37,000 employees actually translates to something of a well-kept state secret.

Hey, maybe their ulterior motive on the weather-control thing is a means to help thin out the herd a bit over there. Or maybe it's because they are a backward and odd people. No...I'm pretty sure it's the first...some sort of genocide is at the heart of this. Why else would anyone want to control the weather?

Sure, Storm from The X-Men could do it, but I thought everyone realized that she was the wussiest X-man. I mean..."There's the bad guy! Take him out with....well...your ability to make it rain, I guess." When they were handing out powers she must have thrown a fit! "Weather control?! Are you freaking kidding me? Why don't you just give me the power to make people smile or the power of positive thinking?!" She totally got the least powerful power, no doubt. Wuss.

And experiments in weather control don't always end well. Just ask Sean Connery. Better yet, ask his character from The Avengers. I can't remember how that movie ended because I never saw it (I know a stinker when I see one, and I try and avoid them), but I have to imagine it ended poorly for the bad guy Connery played...who was trying to control the weather.

There are probably other movies I'm forgetting that feature a plot about weather-control, but these movies are all moot now that the Chinese have figured it out. In fact, I think Al Gore needs to hop over to the People's Republic and see what evidence he can dig up to prove a connection between these experiments and Global Warming. After all...if they can make it snow in Nagqu, they can probably make the whole damn planet hotter, don't you think?

At any rate, it sounds like a really cool project. A waste of time and money and man-power and even possibly delusional and misguided...sure. But still really cool.

Also, those of you who follow sports may note that making it rain didn't exactly do anything good for PacMan Jones.

So...what have we learned? Chinese control weather. No one else wants to. Still cool. Any questions?

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